to longevity

2012-01-19T20:05:00.000+11:00

in teh last three weeks,

1) i started working nightly at an adult massage shop as a receptionist. they frking trained me for 5 days and i lost a week waiting for them to frking make up their minds about me. but i met and made some awesome acquaintances at the place, other than pushing my eyebags to the limit (maybe it's limitlessly big). i'm meeting all sorts of weird ppl through this job. like that weird taxi driver who gave me a free lift from city back home because i kept talking to him, let him hold my hand then gave him a one-handed shoulder massage all the way home. i know it's stupidly reckless.

2) i started a stint (and dropped it in a week) at a sushi takeaway shop in marketcity for 8/hr as a trainee.

3) then the internship position was offered, so i left that shitty stressful takeaway shop and took up the position calling and emailing and smsing ppl all day round. the office ppl are pretty awesome, i finally found someone amiable enough to share her lunch with me on our first day working together (sheesh). then i kinda developed a crush on the operations manager that i'm interning under. i supposed this is temporary.

the place i moved to is good, i got a pretty good sized room and bed to myself. the problem is about 80% of my stuff's in the garage and it's a pain to get them out. i wish someone else could do my laundry for me. sheesh

2012-01-06T15:26:00.004+11:00

完全没力气了...

还得整理东西搬过去但是时间一直不对

明天早上9点前要到CITY去开始试工一个星期, 然后去中介那里再提交申请, 然后如果被叫过去的话晚上9点到凌晨5点还要跑到PETERSHAM打工, 伤不起... 待会晚上也说不定要去PETERSHAM打到明天早上5点... 累死了

学校的问题还不算解决的, 前两个申请悲剧了,第三个学校就不用去考虑了, 反而第四个发了OFFER过来, 还得把所有COURSE OUTLINE给找出来发过去拿TRANSFER CREDIT...

累死了一直紧张着饿了也不想吃饭房间里东西乱七八糟什么都不想做想去跳楼

家里一直打电话过来说想把我拉回上海去也行啊都快无所谓了丢脸就丢了呗

但是还是很想完全脱离父母自己出来住
昨天还被人家指出来说我讲话一直会讲我妈说了什么, 这影响太大了

还要更新护照呢嚓咧
目前有: 旧房租(344) 新房租(200) 手机费(35+20) 护照更新费(55) 签证帖子费(60) 签证更新费体检费车费生活费信用卡还钱(400) 学费(6120+) 保险费(1373+)
其实还想买个上网本呢也就大概400左右吧

收入吗, 现在才这么多: 辅导(40/w) 熬夜的按摩店(560/w) 早上的CAFETERIA(<315</w)
后面两个还在试工, 其中按摩店试工三天星期四给工资还他妈一直搞混的拖着不给上班, CAFETERIA的反而试工一个星期每星期六才给工资.

其实还申请了很多intern但没有一个回复给我, 得去一个个的追问了吧...

如果这样继续生活下去的话我会变成什么样子呢? 一天睡不了几个小时, 整天往外跑, 车票又不便宜 (NND今年又涨价了) 有时候还真的想去试试看那种夜店 (还会招像我这么肥的人吗=..=;) 或者去申请贷款 (谁会做担保啊嚓)

今年才22岁吗, 有必要这么苦吗...

2012-01-05T18:54:00.001+11:00

let's say that i'm having it hard right now because i literally brought it on myself.
it's my fault that i didn't study properly, and my fault that i am transferring schools now.

... so is this enough reason to cut off all financial support?

maybe?

started this so-called training/induction period of 3 days at a massage shop in petersham. quite a pain to get there and back, and esp during and after the shift. freaking 9pm to 4-6am. you'd think that after all that nightoil-burning i should be able to cope with this like a flick of a nose boogie, but hell no, my left shoulder's almost gone after two nights. and there are no buses after the 4am closing. and i'm so irritated because the damn management's so indecisive that they are training yet another girl for the same position when they expressly advertised for one. and they still want me to train additional 3 days for a receptionist position, during which i get no pay but as a deposit refunded when i quit. so tonight i'm staying home, and possibly going back for actual work tmr night.

because i'm not sure how much i'll get paid, i've been calling and emailing around. there's a sales position at a cafeteria in city tmr and i'm supposed to be there by 11am. then a suitcase to pick up around noon in north bondi. then stuff to carry over to this garage space in randwick junction. then another interview in a massage shop in burwood/chatswood/rockdale after 1pm, depending on what the management there says. maybe i should push off the garage part to saturday.

hopefully some of the companies i sent resumes to will reply me by tomorrow.

and if i can weave this around somehow, i should move out to a cheaper place than the one with the garage my mum found at church.

i'm so tired i could scream. no money to pay rent. rantrantrant can i get a loan?

2012-01-01T07:39:00.001+11:00

no more red bulls with beer. will stick to sports drinks from now on. stayed up the first day of the yearrrr

apartments in sydney

2012-01-01T07:38:00.000+11:00

yes, they are either really good (=expensive), really crappy (=cheap), or just damn wrong inside out.

i wish the aus govmt had the initiative to buy up all the land around higher education institutes and in the inner west and east, evacuate, demolish, rebuild high rise apartments and privatise them or just create its own rental board to deal with the foreigners looking for cheap rentals. it might be chaotic every day for the govmt's rental department, but heck it's gna create so much more jobs for every one. every relatable business can profit from this shit, so why not just do it the way the chinese are doing it?

i hate aussie-designed buildings older than 10 years...

actually, i'm ranting because i am supposed to move out in about 12 days (well by 9am on the 13th Jan to be exact) and all this stuff in the room should be categorised and boxed and carted off to this nice korean family's garage and their main bedroom. did i mention the rent's 200/w with unlimited wifi? but there's going to be koreans in my face every day? (oh the horror of having to stutter out korean every day like a noob foreigner because i don't even look like one, if you get what i mean.) and the family's even more religious than my mother? (hardyharhar) and i don't even have the money for first week's rent? (maybe i shouldn't have splurged on that pair of red jeans on boxing day. but THEY FITTED ME, and i have the hardest time finding jeans that fit nowadays. excused enough) and i still don't have a job other than the irregular "tutoring"/essay guidance sessions? (cue parental grilling over the guerilla phone calls and skype meetings. it's not like i'm not sincerely looking for anything. i might be looking only for easy jobs, but seriously, cleaning all day around town? why don't you just tell me to go replace the statue-mime guy at circular quay? but still, cleaning's doable. just a bit more hurting on the pride, if i can still talk about keeping my pride up after all this academic shit.) what about the repayments on the credit card? (eff cba credit rules) what about the other bills? ~~(why won't my own mother pay her part of the elec and wifi bills when she's been here fore more than two months. WHY am i supposed to pay all for her? even the rent!)~~

oh filial duties. i should just work my ass off cleaning ikea stores or something.

i have been sincerely regretting why i had not rented out my own apartment, and applied for a credit card. but my biggest regret will still be coming to sydney. it's been fun, and i still need to grow up.

2012 resolutions

2012-01-01T00:41:00.000+11:00

9229 page views since idk when! woots

spent the day alone (well maybe half the time, because i woke up around 1pm and the roommate went out around 6pm) downing cups (yes cups) of red bull/rose wine/beer and shouting over the phone/skype.

sulk sulk

that's how the 21st NYE went. i'm pissed at nearly everything and everyone, although it's all my fault.

for a change of mood, i came up with the new year resolutions:

1) find jobs and earn me at least $1000/wk
2) stick to the study/work/exercise/meal schedule
3) lose 20kg by 31 December 2012
4) sleep 8hrs/day
5) get personal-financially independent
6) break up
7) become prettier
8) KEEP THE LONG HAIR

obviously

2011-11-30T18:00:00.001+11:00

after eating all that stuff and only just walking around for the last two weeks, a 3kg increase can't be helped.

meh.

got to make new backup plans and goals.

=3=

2011-11-28T04:51:00.001+11:00

the chipmunk mode thing. can't believe how apple can sell laptops that they claim to be "different" from the windows os models.

but i'm the person who thinks there should only be one operating system in the world to save more brain cells for other purposes in times of operational crisis. i'd like to think it's a different type of practicality.

i don't think it's easy to take a photo of yourself trying to jump into the sea like a chicken trussed up the wrong way. unless everyone does that some time in their lives.

that stupid stint of a casual cleaning job at the new ikea store in tempe resulted in three large blisters on the first day because i borrowed a pair of shoes at the workplace. too big and it rubbed the wrong way so yeah. busted them with my needle trick and now they are peeling off nicely. hmph. pay's still not transferred to the bank account, and the work was crappy because i was the sole cleaner going around the big cafeteria in circles round and round from 9am to 7pm. and there was some idiot joking about cutting out the lunch break from the payment although we probably only took half an hour over the two days. bastards.

there were kids screaming and crying every other hour, and idiotic parents who made them cry and just left them like that. food was all over the place, and there was this fat lady who dropped a whole plate of food in the payment line before she paid. and she was still grabbing food and shoving it inside her mouth from the other dishes she stacked up in the trolley while i dusted the food away. [cursing omitted] and why is it that the frking adults spill as much as the kids? and why would the parents shamelessly leave bits of food in the baby high chairs? and why does ikea understaff its own floor cleaners? eff them. the whole time i was there i saw three types of cleaners, one employed directly by ikea, another from a catering company (wtf) and the korean cleaning company we volunteered to turn up for. the ikea-employed ones and i would start both days going around the cafeteria sweeping and clearing tables (when i was expressly ordered to only sweep and wipe if too dirty) then the catering company employees would come around past 11. they had tag teams while i slaved around for frking 10 hours each day. eff eff eff

the only fun part was picking up dropped change on the floor and talking to cute little kids. oh and meeting troopdhi (?), this indian girl from the catering company. she said she was a casual too. =/

the stint resulted in pulled muscles in both hands and legs, two bruises on each arm and the aforementioned blisters. for the following three days i thought i somehow broke two of the fingers on the right too. i don't think i'll ever hold another mop or a broom again in my short life.

then after the days of drizzled bad luck, the sky cleared up on saturday. so being the simple minded kids we are, a bunch of us decided ad hoc on saturday night to visit the nan tien temple in wollongong on sunday.

now there's a proverb in korean called 가는 날이 장날이다. it means something like when you finally decide to pull off the thing that you've been procrastinating but meaning to do for a long time, shit happens.

which was exactly what happened to us on sunday in the form of buses instead of a straight train ride from central to unanderra (htf are you supposed to pronounce that.), with the sun blazing down the whole of nsw as we trudged along the asphalt roads and ran down stairs to get to buses in the nick of time. (wore the wrong shoes again, so now there's two more blisters added to the count.) then we got so lazy that we called for a cab when the temple entrance was like 10min walk from the temporarily defunct unanderra station. eff it.

right. so buddhist temples don't cook meat, so we got veggie "meat" meals as soon as we arrived at the temple. it turned out to be insufficient for our dear 0.1t yellow ball of fat boyfriend, so we adjourned to a second "restaurant" above the first for a second lunch. then we lulled around the temple with sore feet and bloated stomachs, all the while the yellow ball of fat bickered with the kuro-clothed yours truly. (i will never wear all black on field days again. omg) a couple of half-assed wishes and bows on who-knows-how-many-people-kneeled-on leather cushions later, we continued bickering and laughing at depreciative jokes at each other out the temple, called a second taxi to the goddamn defunct station, bought ice creams and stared at the car dealer shop across the dusty boring road while waiting for the bus. bus came, slept all the way back to waterfall (feh) with a cricked neck, changed buses and slept again wedge between a fatso and a skinny all the way to wollongong. then slept even more in the same formation back to central, where skinny's bf called us to entice us with the prospect of a buffet dinner at star city.

i had a bad premonition about going there especially on a weekend night, so i refused at first. all entertainment places increase prices during weekends anyway. but in the end we still went and paid 5 whole bucks more than during week nights. then we stuffed our bellies with food from 6 to 7.40pm alternating between food "trips" and toilet breaks. mehhh

the idea of going on a diet has long since been stuffed in the trash bin at the back of my head.

now that i mention it, i can still do 3 point shots at trash bins. woots

i know i am not supposed to diagnose myself based on wiki articles.

2011-11-15T01:04:00.001+11:00

but a freaking school counsellor brought it up, and there is evidence that even the doctor at the school clinic thought so (why would there be a vit D prescription for PCOS treatment?) A FULL YEAR AGO.

major depressive disorder symptom #1

2011-11-15T00:36:00.001+11:00

i wish i could dig out my brain, or just erase my being in this world.

everything i've done up to now seems insignificant and childish, unreasonable for my age and life experiences at the very least.

it's not like i want to kill myself or anything. it's more like i'm regretting everything i've done, and most of the relationships i've made over the years.

i've heard that some people have experienced worse yet still overcame their hurdles and even succeeded socially to a certain extent. i could try like them, but the timing seems all wrong and there are too many things to undo which i cannot bring myself to confess totally to the family nor the closest of friends.

i repeat, this is not a will and i am not going to kill myself.

maybe someday if i get a leeetle bit famous i might try to write an autobio and look back on this part of my life. this part as a failing underachiever at university in a foreign country that i would not have had to go to if i had thought through more to study a degree that i had no idea of to begin with therefore had zero interest in.

i tend to victimise myself in my head. it's like every laugh on the street is in reply to some ridiculous joke or a comment about me. all the glancing on the streets from strangers walking my way feels like they are pitying or disgusted with me. all the old disgusting bald fat men look like they want to perve me at the bus stop. all the potential employers seem to look disgusted or annoyed with my resume and my fat immense being filling up their scope of vision and what space there is in their measly shops. all those acquaintances i've met at uni must have bitched about me at some point, dismissed me as a confused little wannabe-chinese pig and went on with their more important lives. (which is not surprising, but who IS important in this world anyway?)

where is all this absurd insecurity from, the counsellor might ask in the future. well to be frank, i suspect your sincerity too.

i don't know whether i've actually been victimised by anyone, but that might just be my inner stick-thin golden fair skinned asian prima donna being defiant and protective of my real outer shell of blubber. in truth anyone who's paid some attention to me throughout school would know that i've had some porcine descriptions thrown at me from almost equally pork-like spoilt children. i might have really had trauma from being forced to lick a cousin's "candy" even before i knew how to read or write korean. i might really have had some shock after some teacher exploded that she wanted to strangle me, even as a passing "comment" on my tardiness. i remember having red welts on my butt and great big bruises over my body even as a kid just in primary school, but which asian parent will pass out on the almost ritual-like bashing on every new generation? (if not, i dare say you're a bit more spoilt than the rest of us Y-gen kids. somewhere.)

no i am not dumping "responsibilities" for my current mental state on others. i'm just listing what could have led me to this self-centered victimising thinking.
let me continue brooding somewhere dark, and maybe i will go back to slashing my wrists like i did back in sec2.

actually, i thought i did better in highschool. i don't know.

2011-10-08T22:38:00.001+11:00

i didnt grow up

my boobs got bigger and so did my butt and thighs

my ego expands and deflates every other minute

my procrastination now knows no bounds

i can safely and professionally lie in the face of anyone

i feel guiltier about my responsibilities and duties

but i cannot control myself to act more grown up.

every other chinese word out of my mouth is ca/cao

when i see some older male acquaintances from three years ago i act like a primary school boy facing a naughty girl crush (ie. i punch them. oh wait, maybe not a girl crush)

when assignments and revision turn boring (every frking single time) i turn to anime to sooth my failing self confidence

i dont eat properly like i should, that's why i have pcos and can't lose the weight easily. hair became brittle and dry, and hairline's receding faster than during IB.

feeling more insecure than during IB.

credit cards and periodical payments for various purposes annoy the shit out of me, so i try to hold out on vast sums of money until i get final notices (ie. tuition fees, rents)

when i turn angsty and withdraw even more, every other line of this post would have fck fuck frk shit bitch in it

i sleep when the public transport drivers start their first shifts of the day and wake up when all the white collar people load themselves on the slowpoke traffic back home.

i tend to pick lectures and tutorial times around dinner time to accommodate my sleeping habit.

i am still prejudiced towards filipinos. doesn't help that i have two filipino aunties in their rooms right beside mine.

i don't want to go out because i always feel like i don't have the appropriate clothes to wear out. which is probably because i'm fat and spend more money on food instead of clothes.

i don't learn from history do i.

in times of financial difficulty,

2011-10-08T22:15:00.001+11:00

how do you think you will be able to pay the new iphone 4S or ipad 2 if the world's financial and economical system was based on 物流交换 instead of overpriced currencies?

i think i wouldn't be home writing this nor going to uni in the beginning.

nananana, nananana, yeahyeahyeah, nanana

2011-09-26T05:21:00.002+10:00

harharrr
didn't think that these old blogs would still be up, but this just goes on to show that forgotten old blogs written back during secondary school can be cringingly sweet (in a fun way, sorry). oh man the phrases that we thought were just right at the time. made me laugh out at 4am.

actually i was just googling for this property around uni, then i googled my two main email addresses which gave me my flickr, deviantart and freewebs accounts. oh right, XANGA too. oh wow

so far i've found only jting's, xy's, tsu's and danyu's old blogs. freewebs has chosen to shut down most of its inactive old member sites, dakara all my emo cheesy icky yucky teenage blogs are gone. good riddance. eyuh. and to think i spent all that time pouring over the chatbox records copmbing through pages of chat history just for tsuern's sparse and hurtful comments. hmph. (yeah i remember the "damage" those comments left on my 13-15yo mind that just began lusting after bespectacled boys. i still do, but the repertoire extends to bespectacled handsome ojisans too)

i personally would like to think that i have grown up since then. but who am i kidding, i'm still emo and insecure and blah. (oh right i found kim's blog too, lost it)

if you guys see this: why kyoko and hikari? yomuki? those two onna names i can understand but YOMUKI? lololol

http://www.freewebs.com/kagamyu/ danyu
http://www.freewebs.com/dreamy_cuz_of_u/ xy (if anyone were meant to read between the lines i think i can read about tau here lololol)
http://www.freewebs.com/nreust_boy/index.htm tsu (and to think that i might still have some old accounts lying around related to him... omg i'm not seeing you again dude serious)
http://www.freewebs.com/kyoko_mintblue/ xy (by the domain name alone i thought that this was the more recent blog, but no date? by description of scott leaving for US this one should be back in s1.)
http://www.freewebs.com/shadow_realms/ jting (the link at the bottomest post to a supposedly new blog leads to a dead blog (no surprise) supposed to be managed by a Sue and Choi. hmm)

oh yeah do you guys still blog? haven't checked my own blogs list in years. some of the eroblogs should be dead by now, those bloggers must have married their sex toys or something. (i trust that my readers are all of age by now and therefore have full control of whatever material they can read and relate to. you should all be around 21yo anyway) [HOMFG WE'RE 21]

some update about my boring slightly-NEETish life:

i skip classes, lie to the parents, sleep in, miss out on tutorials, went to swim once, paid deposit for a accounting training course outside uni, went to ANIMANIA 2011 SYDNEY, got caught up in sina weibo, cut my bangs and got my 08 grad hairdo back again (except with a higher hairline and unnoticeably lesser head of hair), scroll through online catalogues for clothes to add to shopping bags just to leave the windows open for days on because i dont have the money to spend on these crap pieces of sewing, procrastinate harder than ever,

and basically dream about bashing up all those pretty little post-90s airheads screaming tantrums in my face while standing in line for a fruit juice in my dreams. oh yeah met jting for the first time in months though we go to the same campus and live near each other. hmmm i should 散步 around uni more at night in place of the invisible security buffoons because apparently i'm so lucky enough to have not met any guns and knives-carrying social misfits around the vicinity.

enough yabbering, going to sleep. should wake up in some hours because the zombies and pucca need my fingertips to gather food. yada yada yada

went off tangent writing yet another business entity essay,

2011-09-12T12:44:00.001+10:00

thought it was a bit too good to just delete.

Assuming that there is not much difference in corporate tax rates and other basic employment entitlement requirements between Australia and New Zealand, Flywell’s new subsidiary is basically a new graft of a company planted in a separate plot (New Zealand) away from the parent plant to produce fruit and nourishment (Jetover’s own revenue) through creating more decay-able material (dividends) for the parent to benefit from.
If the companies were plants, then each of the Board of directors would be the individual farmers who make decisions for each of the plants because the plants do not have the mind nor the active will and strength to make and enforce decisions. Whatever cost the other farmer incurred in maintaining each plant would not be affecting the other farmer, plot and plant because of the separate growing plots (separate legal entity) and plants.
Since half the original parent plant was cut off (in the form of half its originally employed pilots) to create the new graft plant (Jetover), there was more space for the Flywell farmer to try out new plants (in the form of employing new pilots) that might need some help or incentives to adapt to the Australian “plot” (via 20% more pay and superannuation entitlements compared to the Jetover plant/pilots).

i'm actually frking explaining the shituation to the marker in plain gardening terms. wtf

2011-08-08T00:30:00.003+10:00

my facebook profile feels most loved on my birthdates. :]

just sayin'.

THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO LEFT BIRTHDAY WISHES FOR ME VIA FB, XN, SKYPE AND PHONE. :)

all in all, if it wasn't for the two girls that i wouldn't have had to do anything today had they not contacted nor bugged me about themselves, it's been good.

love you Eddy :3

WOOTZ I'M 21 AND I FEEL GRAND

no i didn't drink anything.

2011-07-08T05:35:00.001+10:00

that urgent feeling i had over the entire semester is gone; exams are finished and i left my results up to fate the moment i walked out of the exam halls.

maybe the absent urgency (wtv) was the reason why i left all packing to the last day of the previous rent contract. fatty rented a car, we argued about whether the other person was packing or playing, packed and moved until 4am, fatty drove backwards until he crashed one of his neighbour's car and got a dent in the rental car, went through macca's drive-thru, went to maroubra beach in the car, went to kmart at 3-4am before work on sunday, pushed noisy coles carts loaded with luggage up to my new place in randwick like 5-6 times on three nights straight, went around shops and the local randwick library, paid rent a week late, started a new knitting project, left 70% of the luggage unpacked because my grades aren't out yet (if i failed the semester i'm getting provisional suspension and therefore kicked out), and now spending days sleeping and nights playing HOGs and SK.

好颓废啊。。。花的钱也特多的又不好好赚钱还吃的玩的那么多干嘛呢
内疚啊

oh yeah i'm starting to lose my korean bit by bit. since i got laughed at by the family on skype for saying some things wrongly. wtv

2011-06-14T06:01:00.000+10:00

today is the day
on which i shall score near perfect for an accounting final exam

i shall flatten your nose, Ms. First-year-academic-advisor. muahahaha

2011-06-12T02:59:00.001+10:00

Hanna's coming up; from the trailer it look awesome esp it's a feministic action movie and one of the ost sounds awesome (Container Park by The Chemical Brothers). Saoirse and "Marissa" are so awesome that i can't help wonder why is the male protag made to appear weaker than the evil CIA agent. it's due soon x)

repeated relapse into club music blasting in my ears under the pretense of self-motivation but who am i to kid. no matter how much i love these beats i can't go to a damn club just because.

moving soon, the uni accom office better give me an all-girls dorm quick.

another pre-finals ramble

2011-06-12T02:51:00.001+10:00

yes it's the end of stuvac and about halfway through the middle of the long wkend holiday (exclusive to NSW, hah) and at most D-2 to the start of my doom-deciding final exams.

first one up is Management Accounting 2A right after the queen's birthday. wish me luck to pass it on my first try (it's half-half a joke and a wish.) thanks :)

then it's the second try of Business Entities, which i should pass with nearly 90% for the final exam (mgmt acct too). it is damn near impossible with all the high expectations and marking criteria from former lawyers/tutors/lecturer, but given the whole week to revise i should be able to remember more case laws and relevant statue laws, and for one memorise the implications of infamous james hardy case and what other cases the gossiping aussie crowds have been talking about long before i was born and even aware of cheating corporations on the twisted and copycat aussie corp law.

the third's Organisational Behavior, which i have skipped about 80% of the once-a-week lectures because: 1) the BE tut following the lec has assignments or tut tests which i always procrastinated, 2) can't wake up, 3) just didn't feel like going because the lecturer was so vague. and i'm not the type to go up and ask during lecture breaks. two out of the three assignments for this course received shoddy marks, one because there wasn't enough theory incorporated into the group report, same went for two. aishhhh

fourth's the actual Human Resource Mgmt course. so far the lecturer/tutor has been mysterious about the marks for each assignment; heard that our group received like 17.5 out of 25 at most for either the group facil or the group essay, and individually i got 15/20 for an online quiz. somewhere in there is a final exam for like 30% of the total course mark. it's rather a easy theory course so i should do well.

so now with less than two days before one of the harder exams, i'm procrastinating (for the last three invaluable stuvac days) by reading epub files and checking email every few hours and playing stupid restaurant sim games on fatty's ipod. and trying to hack in to one of them unsuccessfully. even became visibly exasperated when a friend kept asking me about what i was going to do with myself when obviously she should be asking herself the very question since she was going to graduate after this batch of exams. mehh i know i'm insensitive and short-tempered (very) especially when it comes to asking me about the future that is the source of so much unmeasurable stress.

on the other hand, pimple outbreak only on the chin and left cheek. must be the dirty left hand.

人生计划；太扯了

2011-05-28T22:51:00.000+10:00

今年21岁，考到9分IELTS。

22岁前一定要毕业本科！开始申请准备CPA，会计/HRM工作

24岁考完CPA，转出澳洲（回上海呗），进STARBUCKS的HR部门，结婚前给爸妈买那个浦东卖不出去的apt
三妹绝对不用上商科

28岁结婚，要有共同名义下的apt或者租个3房2卫1厅1库的apt，对方要有车会开车有能力自己付油费请司机开车，各自都有工作还有各自的银行账号还会自己管好欠债啊什么的，之后搬两次家，一家比之前的更大（废话）

30岁前生2个孩子，怀上也不辞，存来开店&孩子大学学费&老人家们的纪念日surprises
二妹必须跟着结婚

小孩5岁送进幼儿园，7岁送进小学，~~教他们绝对不要相信积善机构活动和宗教~~

小孩10岁，自己在旁边合作开一家咖啡/书店并不能倒闭

小孩上初中高中就鼓励去参加国外学生活动，高中IB毕业就送出去上大学

孩子上大学后还忍不住对方就离婚，还在学费生活费各自付一半
孩子必须得自己赚钱买吃的，开始还“债”

那时候应该还可以找几个小白脸来满足需求的。嘿嘿

2011-05-28T20:58:00.001+10:00

感冒了，真痛苦

2011-05-05T15:46:00.000+10:00

slept at 4 and woke up at 10.45 to scramble an essay due at 5.
been listening to club songs by pitbull and biting open sunflower seeds like possessed. high on nothing but still thirsty like a hangover. been sniffing and blowing tissues since last night too so that's why i think i got a cold (other than for baring my neck in the wind and wearing just tshirts to bed)

after this essay i will get booze and sleep off

2011-04-27T18:12:00.000+10:00

i dreamed of this disney-ish sequal to the HP series!

it happened in a hugeee mansion that i came to after i got on a train to get to someone else's graduation ceremony at 5pm but ended up taking one in the wrong direction and the next one going back was in the morning so i totally missed the ceremony.

and i was at the mansion because i was on holiday from uni and my parents and the rest of the relatives were there too, pigging out on whatever food there was in the house

then they found out that i signed up for a master degree in business (when they knew that i wasnt good at it) and the relatives were all very angry although my parents weren't (wtf?)

then the ground floor turned into corridors each inhabited with monsters, and the foyer turned into a library/greenhouse with no doors

there was a weird humanoid shaped like a leaf but with 4 arms and 2 segments of green pea-pod-ish body lazing out on a chair; she wilted and floated around while sleeping; when she finally stilled there was a metal bottle cap with a humanoid caterpillar smoking hookah on it. a fily with a large rayban tried so hard to push it off the chair (maybe it was the humanoid leaf-girl's servant or smth)

then harry was talking from the wall with this other leaf humanoid girl with their faces sticking out from the walls

so i ran away and there was a super tall rupert grint still acting as ron walking around making sad faces because he was too tall

then harry was still looking around for the nicholas flammel stuff in the library

hermione... idk where she went but later i found her in the libary/greenhouse

and since ron was so tall i could only literally pull on his jeans to get his attention;;;

then somehow i was running alone through the library/greenhouse because some monsters were chasing me

so i went out of the big french doors and into this magical circular garden.

then idk how but the monsters knew that to break down the magical barriers of the garden they had to find a duckling and destroy it. so i tried to defend that fake duckling at the front of the garden circle until another monster flew over the barrier and found a real featherless duckling in the center of the garden, so i ran over to save it.

then dumbledore came out and banished all the monsters and ron helped me get back inside the mansion to smooch.

lolllllll

did i say rupert grint is the epitome of understated sexiness?
well guess not.

2011-04-10T01:45:00.000+10:00

you are the worst son of a bitch i have ever met.
who cares if i post a status about how some student society spends their sponsored funds? how does it relate to you especially if it doesnt include your name?
you think you chinese are so GOOD? fuck off you imbecile

i am so fed up with you. i can't say to your face because my tongue doesnt work like yours, always thinking up excuses by the second and spewing criticism and taunts and jokes and lies and shouting by the minute, but i am really fed up with you and i think we should split. after i move out, we split. i don't want to see nor hear from you again. fuck that anniversary, fuck whatever i've done and got from you.

updates

2011-04-06T01:57:00.001+10:00

i need to vent vent vent

this stupid fat guy is fking TWO YEARS OLDER THAN ME
but he still acts like a frking 8yo and fights for dumplings and noodles and the blanket and the pillows and the desk with me. he won't share although he claims that he spent most of his allowances on me. EXCUSE ME MOST OF IT WENT INTO YOUR STOMACH OK?

man i hate being accused of using someone else's money when they EXPLICITLY SAY THAT THEY ARE PAYING, SWIPE THEIR CREDIT CARDS, THEN TURN AROUND AND SAY "YOU OWE ME THISTHISTHISTHIS" FUCK YOU

i try to make ends meet but i do not need your crappy halfassed pity and i will ignore you if you continue to do so. i did not ask for your money, i asked you to pay your share, or swipe your card so that you get the credit points and i'd just have to pay my half of the bills.

then he watched some crappy chinese comedy after midnight, laughs out loud, i tell him off/shut up, he keeps on laughing. then just now i was going through what the other guys in my mgmt1002 group wrote on the shared googledoc and saw this:

What types of communication technologies will we use (email, MSN, Skype, facebook,

Google Docs)? How often are we expected to check for messages?

We are going to use a variety of virtual tools for communication purposes such as email, Facebook and Google Docs. The aim is to reduce the amount of face to face contact needed and increase coordination.

aim is to reduce the amount of face to face contact needed. REDUCE. although this was written by the French guy (you know, ESL) i can still feel the unreasonable "hatred" emanating from the guy since the last tut meeting. [the tutor called out our names and we sat around for the half of the tut. he made such a long disappointed face throughout the talk and tried to sit as far as he could away from us (esp me and this other chinese girl. VERY POINTEDLY.) then he just uploaded the group contract doc, and left it there. it was only today that i saw the guys' actual answers typed out. such cheeseballs.]

mannn so i exclaimed out loud (but not as loud as his laughing) at the audacity of this guy's answer and fatso goes "shut up can't you see what time it is" in chinese, so i'm seething here.

just finished watching Valentines Day (2010). wondering if i grow up a lot more and move away would i also meet such ppl and fall into such ridiculous circumstances unlike right now. rantrantrant

still in the limbo about the accommodation thing. if i knew that there was such cheap student accommodation provided by the university i would have moved in there straight after classes commenced in 2009 and i got bumped out by the mulish gaylord. mhmmm so my current contract ends in 24 apr and i should apply for the student accommo like right now, but the above mentioned fatso throws a tantrum everytime i mention it. says why can't i wait until after the finals to apply/move/etc. stupid ass just because he's set to graduate this august doesnt mean that I AM and that his parents won't come over to see their only sweet precious son's bachelor degree graduation. AND I CAN'T LIVE ON WITH MY CONSCIENCE NAGGING ABOUT OUR LIVING TOGETHER BECAUSE WE OBVIOUSLY SHOULD NOT. at least not with my mother threatening me during every skype call that she will come over to "check up" on me and possibly stay for a few months.

OH WHY DID I LEAVE THAT PLACE

then on sunday i planned to walk from that yumcha restaurant to the cheap student accommo opposite the uni and up the hill. i actually went the wrong way around the campus perimeter and ended up getting backache from going down the hill in a wrong way. (yes i am that much obese now) then it got so painful overnight that i couldn't walk the next day. [hence the skipped tut]

but since youth is awesome, i'm alright now.

i need to prepare myself to move anytime. prepare to cut ties.

2011-03-22T21:32:00.000+11:00

i don't know what to cook for dinner!
lunch is always leftovers (if we did eat last night) or fried rice or cheap sushi rolls in the uni cafeteria (too much rice compared to tuna) for $2.50~2.70.
then dinner is either eating out (expenses depend on who we eat with or where we eat at and the course back home) or cooking weird stuff with near-expiry date stuff at home.

breakfast is either protein drinks on the way to uni or muesli with oats or just milk, but this is very rare. even on the days i wake up around 8 i won't eat until noon. it's like a habit but if i had to pick out a reason it would be the living room and the fact that ppl live in the living room.

if there were no obstacles on the way to the kitchen would i eat better? maybe.

and as to why i won't cook according to the plethora of recipes collected both off and online: i like reading and imagining how they would taste like and looking at all those pictures, but when it comes to the practicals i often don't have the required materials on hand and i won't get around to remembering which recipes use the near-expiring things i actually have in the fridge. so in the end my staples from coles is nearly always milk, eggs, cheese, bacon, chicken breast, steaks, muesli, oats, yoghurt, fruits, garlic (just fine dicing and pushing it around in the pan works for most of the dinner experiements), salad bags and packed chili peppers. others vary according to the individual bowel movement (lol)

i'm writing all this because last week i went to see the physiologist at the uni gym and all we went through was the dietary problems. meh

k i had too much mustard and salt in the veggy soup for dinner

2011-01-17T13:51:00.000+11:00

feeling lucky in a way because although i passed a turnitin deadline by 1 minute, the lecturer in charge was online at 9am to answer my pleas of help via email and kindly adjusted the deadline to noon.

muahahaha

of course i turned my stuff in, fatty was shouting at me from 9am this morning because i didnt know about the 9am deadline so there was no way i would push my luck to noon. then we went to print a 19pg report about a company's shitting information system and possible e-business methods and a crappy online shop made from sharepoint. had to give myself low scores because all i did was "constructive criticism" on the website that the group member did and editing what crappy stuff that fatty spewed out on google doc. so damn tired and sleepy. feeling like a giant blob of cotton is in my head.

that time of the year has come around again

2010-12-20T07:06:00.000+11:00

and you finally have a legit reason to look back on what you did during the year and criticise yourself and then make resolutions that you won't keep up to two weeks after the NEW YEAR.

yay

really, i failed courses when i shouldn't have, knowing full well the costs of retaking the courses i could have easily passed had i paid more attention to lectures and tut materials and REVISED as i often told my parents on skype that i was doing at the law/main lib. harhar

i also shouldn't have started going to the specialist for PCOS just because fatty needled me into seeing the doc at the uni clinic. there's no point going to a doc if you don't follow the prescriptions and do as he/she says you should to get better right? and who wants to get pregnant now? better if you can't in the first place, no? (cries) HAH

man actually i don't know how i got these 14 kilos of fat. must be the extra dollop sleeping on the bed right now and the lifestyle AND THE GUILT it brought with itself. hmm. but that's last year.

and i should have gone to the gym more often. i can't cram 20 kilos in like two months before i fly back to sh. where ppl are waiting for the illusion i created over webcam sessions. (hello mum n dad, i'm still as fat as ever.)

i vow to do everything as i am supposed to do. next year. haha (no i'm serious.)

2010-11-29T04:30:00.000+11:00

oh right i should totally go for a face lift and a wardrobe makeover or something. every stranger i meet here is VERY SURPRISED that i'm a korean, not a rural chinese girl with typically ugly outdated clothes.

morons keep talking about the recent artillery exchange between borders. then look expectantly at me, as if i should provide them with the absolute explanation and then pick a side as to which korea i support. do i look as if i care? why should i pick between the two koreas? why should i even be bothered whether the north korean dictatorship wants to gobble up the south korean government through power?

(bunch of fat beer bellies with money to burn and lives to play with)

and why should i help you out for everything that you should be doing? don't you have a brain? didn't you use that brain of yours to get out that country and come to this uni? your brain's just as cheap as everyone else's, so put it to use. don't rely on others to do what you should and can do yourself. it's not like you're exceptionally pretty/handsome enough to make me slobber at your heels.

and, if you were going to work at a chinese-run restaurant to earn a bit of money instead of an accounting firm (that pays a lot more), seriously quit it before starting to complain and slack off while there are ppl who are actually working their asses off. seriously, i want to bash your heads in.

2010-11-29T04:15:00.000+11:00

feels like i've lost the past two years to nothing.

so now, if only i could just blame someone else for wasting those two years. and get a refund. sort of.

final HP7 movie coming out next year, ~~i might probably cry at the theater after watching it~~. and feel irreversibly old. then protest that i'm only 21yo, lots of ppl are 21yo just like me, why should i feel sad over being older than a 20yo?

my time my time

2010-11-13T09:53:00.000+11:00

lol i dreamed that tsuern were a brown bob wig and was very timid in a red polo shirt with white collar and a red check shirt. clashing colors in the old ssis cafeteria. lololololol

and why am i still on the laptop when i have to get out for p/t at 10.30 idk. hmmm

right before another final exam

2010-10-29T16:59:00.000+11:00

siwon 说 (16:06):
go watch ss501's love ya
man i love their cheesy seethrough outfit
siwon 说 (16:09):
orgasmic
totally
bunch of guys dressed in semi formals
dancing
meizshelle@gmail.com 说(16:29):
,;,,,
WTF
<_<
siwon 说 (16:29):
yeah
siwon 说 (16:30):
and jumping together at the same time is in their dance
totally orgasmic

and idk why i can't get used to a korean PC. maybe the hassle of trying to get my hands on a genuine korean version OS got to me (long ago).

p/t job at the yumcha restaurant has its perks and cons. i'm doing it because i'm very short on ends (and again idk where all that money went other than on food which might explain the unchanging weight).

so pushing the cartloads of food and carrying around trayfuls of food i normally wouldnt even look at is torturing, like a way to test my resolve and nerves.

not to mention all that resistance workout in a tight uniform (which sucks, looks like one of those singaporean primary school uniforms) ,

waking up around 9am even on wkends that were initially meant for more lazing in,

speed walking around in a place that still turns on heaters in spring (maybe i really do have hyperthyroidism for all this "excessive" sweating)

and everyone talking around me in canto is like a 4hr torture session every weekend. (maybe double if i'm on both sat and sundays)

but then it's exercise (cos i dont really push myself to the uni gym) and free food before and after the job (yay to free egg tarts) and more cute babies that dont cry (most of the time) with the extra money that keeps me from givign up.

oh wait. i missed out the phone bills. yeah fuck aus mobile phone systems. so troublesome.

wanna go cherry picking after exams, not shanghai for the family get-together. pressure pressure pressure

i must past this set of finals! good luck to everyone else taking their finals too!

2010-08-28T23:04:00.000+10:00

suddenly got this idea reading my dad's email to us kids:

딸들이 거의 다 흩어지니까 심심하신가?

congrats again to whose who graduated and got into their choice of uni!

2010-08-19T12:54:00.000+10:00

just saw chris' graduation and prom photos on fb and was like "whoa damn"

not just because he looks like he's living a good life,
it's also because i suddenly realised the impact of two years after graduating from ssis.

it's slowly increasing in weight as i compare my life before graduation and before coming to sydney with my life now as a university student out of my old space with possibly semesters more to go than my normal peers. (damn)

the house that i spent years growing up in hiding stuff from my parents and fighting with every single one of the members compared to this place i'm living in is GRANDIOSE (i like my mum's interior design that's gloomy and bright at the same time, makes me feel like a cockroach under the tiles)

the school that i spent years fighting and joking around with you guys and dissing teachers and people we didn't like feels CHILDISH but 温馨 compared to UNSW

the city i spent years growing up in dissing the locals (and ending up having just chinese friends here) and stealth walking around and 自卑ing is actually more FRIENDLIER and CHEAPER than sydney

the careless life i lived before becoming a uni student living out alone is more APPEALING now than ever (because i get pocket money and i don't have to worry about rent nor other expenses, and i wouldn't have to waste thousands on airplane tickets just to see my family and people)

no i don't think about that taiwanese guy because that's the one thing i gave up on since i came here.

now that i'm here i have to pass my courses with good marks and graduate without spending too much of the money my parents send me, then get a job and work back all the money spent on my head.

and i think i've forgotten the goals i had back in shanghai. those naive goals

reading trashy novels under the desk at school doesn't really help in prepping for your adult life mentally eh?

(感觉好多负担)

keep feeling like i'm not enjoying or doing everything to their full extent and the best i should/could do.

2010-07-23T01:04:00.000+10:00

all the accounting lecturers say that if i don't like accounting and i had to retake several times, i should start thinking about changing my major and not waste my parents' hard-earned money on taking courses i don't like myself.

i understand, but i don't really dare to tell my dad that i don't want to do accounting anymore, not when i've lied to him for two years from the beginning.

maybe just four more semesters?
i promise i really will pull my socks up high and sail through this "mid-life" crisis. then i'll take a masters degree in translation with my own wages and then ...

...then what, really?

it's like i have no goals in life.

i'm just a load of shit wasting other people's money.

2010-07-15T01:44:00.000+10:00

sometimes i wonder how would i turn out if i became more pro-korean and went to the korean school or even went back for highschool or uni.

would i still be mocked of failing my subjects or appearing unlike a "typical korean"? would i still fail so many courses? aishhh

hasta la vista baby

2010-07-05T13:20:00.000+10:00

sup, going to gold coast again in a few hours. but before that, fatty has given me a list of household chores to do (what am i, your nanny? pooh eff you) like washing dishes/clothes, packing his bag (that arse), hanging clothes to dry, pay for his expenses during the trip

wthwthwth

wtf

he treats me like a dog, he slaps me and i bark (shit true)
妈的快崩溃了

好想搬家啊

another post before

2010-06-20T05:13:00.000+10:00

i fall into a period of fear for my grades.

seriously, i should have studied earlier and did all those tut questions and went to all those tuts and lecs.

(yeahyeah you always regret when it comes to exam periods)

well anyway, i'm nearly done with my exams, just one more to go (that damn macro 1 that i failed during the summer) and after this i will be back on fb xn plantsVzombies(a renewed interest, fueled by cheatengines) karaokes(yelling like a guy to guy songs) unigym baking etc.

nearly forgot the other endometrist appointment. she's practically cheating me off money for giving just basic opinions on my health. grr. i should finish this anyway.

2010-04-11T01:07:00.000+10:00

"i hate her so much that i swear i'm going to become prettier than her."

stupid reason anyway.

turns out that i might have pcos with insulin resistance. not so much of a surprise because when you're fat you get all sorts of bad stuff.

not to mention that aussie kids are low enough already.

i'm spiteful tonight. maybe because the fact that i've spent more than my weekly allowance this week is getting to my head, and i'm still clicking through albums of this girl pursing her lips at the camera as if she thinks that makes her cute or pretty. watevas but seriously, eww. yes i now probably understand how you all felt back in ssis.

2010-03-25T06:07:00.001+11:00

AHAHAHAHAHAAAA

during last year at this time fo the year, i would have been settling into the "new life" of being a uni student and walking "energetically" (or more like scurrying between the fillipino's and uni) at most twice everyday rain or shine. except during weekends and the easter holiday (which is next next wk! xD) i would've been sporting that same short haircut because intimidating stories of expensive salon costs in sydney. my wardrobe would be consisting of both summer and winter clothes all together mainly because i can't be bothered to distinguish between spring and autumn wear. (if you don't understand, i'm lazy.)

and lastly, i would still be somewhere between 62-66kg, 62 being the lowest i attained after i got here surprisingly thanks to the chickendinner-5times-a-week routine and starving from 8am til 5+ in the afternoon.

i guess that kind of cared-for life is kind of better than this haphazard lifestyle i'm living now, because of so many cons:

- i can't even wear the old ssis uniform anymore (i basically wear just anything that looks ok, but now i can't even find a whole set of clothes that fit properly. imagine that) [wait, maybe not. read on]
- i'm tired of squabbling with the 94kg-kid about who's cooking the meal and messing up the room and doing the laundry (so cohabitation is fun but fucked up)
- hard to find adequate rooms for two fatsos to share
- we're spending on average AUD50+/wk on just groceries alone.at the filipino's i didn't have to spend much on food except for muesli and occasional lunch at uni.
- no privacy because the 94kg-kid clicks through my chat records every now and then for "evidence" (blegh. i'm not bragging. i live a boring life both on and off the line.)

there might be more, but with a vanillacoke-addled sleepless brain at 6am on thursday (why is it that i always stay up on wednesday nights through thursday mornings?) and a numbing butt from sitting on the floor too long and stomach grumbling (last night was instant fried noodles and sarahlee's frozen marbled cheesecake. fatty stuff, diet's always postponed to "tomorrow"s), i can't think.

pressure pressure: workout, assessments, tut hmwk, work applications, budget

going to the doctor this wk for checkup too, maybe i'm finally going down into the earth.

on a side note, why is it that the first thing you ppl ask after knowing about the 96kg-kid is "why?"

i mean, why should there be a reason in being a relationship where two fat kids bicker/throw things at/hug/poke when bored/drag around/cook meals with/snooze/just about everything you would do with your sibling? [although i'm starting to get the feel that he's becoming a sort of father/brother presence.]

on the other hand, where and what are you all doing? facebook giving me enough information! ;D

2010-03-25T05:46:00.001+11:00

ESTP 수완좋은 활동가형
현실적인 문제해결에 능하며 적응력이 강하고 관용적이다.
사실적이고 관대하며, 개방적이고 사람이나 일에 대한 선입관이 별로 없다. 강한 현실감각으로 타협책을 모색하고 문제를 해결하는 능력이 뛰어나다. 적응을 잘하고 친구를 좋아하며 긴 설명을 싫어하고, 운동, 음식, 다양한 활동 등 주로 오관으로 보고, 듣고, 만질 수 있는 생활의 모든 것을 즐기는 형이다. 순발력이 뛰어나며 많은 사실들을 쉽게 기억하고, 예술적인 멋과 판단력을 지니고 있으며, 연장이나 재료들을 다루는데 능숙하다. 논리 분석적으로 일을 처리하고, 추상적인 아이디어나 개념에 대해 별로 흥미가 없다.

일반적인특징: 정보통이다
내기를 좋아한다
삶을 즐기며 산다
사람이나, 사건에 대해 선입감이 없고 개방적이다
스릴을 좋아한다
책을 통해서 보다는 직접 경험을 선호한다
즉흥적인 행동에 의존
일을 마지막에 폭발적으로 한다
흥미 위주의 욕구가 많다. (경쟁, 게임)
묶여 있지 않은 자유로운 상태일 때 일의 능률이 오른다
일반 보병보다 특공대 체질
현실적인 계산이 눈에 보인다
제멋대로 자유분방
현 우리나라의 학교 분위기에 적응하기 어려움을 느낀다
자신감이 항상 철철 넘친다
공부보다는 스포츠와 같은 활동적인 것에 집중력이 있다
주위의 사람이나 일어나는 일에 관심이 많다
조금 깊게 생각하는 것을 싫어하는 경향이 있다
자극적인 것을 좋아한다
오늘 할 일을 내일로 미룬다
성취욕이 강하다
새로운 것에 대한 도전 욕구가 강함
타인에게 선입견이 별로 없고 개방적이다
일을 한꺼번에 처리한다
감정을 있는 그대로 표현하여 상대방이 상처를 받을 수 있다
따지고 분석하고 이해가 되야 수긍한다

개선할점: 직설적인 말보다는 배려하는 말이 필요하다
정신세계에 대해서 관심을 갖을 필요가 있다
일을 벌리기 보다는 마무리 짓는데 노력을 기울일 필요가 있다

2010-03-12T15:01:00.001+11:00

this is my latest theory (on random lame-ass topics): the body shape and attitude of your partner affects yours in the long term.

maybe, because i lack in proof other than mine :(

2010-03-12T13:43:00.000+11:00

Dear students

You may have seen material distributed around the University by the
National Tertiary Education Union (NTEU) indicating that its members
intend to take industrial action at UNSW in the form of 24 hour
stoppages on Thursday 18 March, Wednesday 31 March and Tuesday 20 April.

It is deeply disappointing that the NTEU has decided to take this
action, despite the potential impact on students. However we are
confident that the great majority of staff will be working as usual
and that there will be minimal disruption. The University will
continue to operate normally and we are hopeful that most classes
will go ahead.

In order to minimise inconvenience to students, lecturers will be
asked to advise their Heads of School and their students if they are
not intending to take classes. If you have a query about any of your
classes scheduled for these dates, I encourage you to contact your
lecturer or course/program coordinator.

The University has a legal obligation not to pay any staff member who
takes industrial action. We have decided that salary costs saved as
a result of the stoppages will be allocated directly to student
services on campus.

I reiterate my disappointment that the industrial action is occurring
during term time, which will certainly inconvenience some of you. I
take this opportunity to wish all of you the very best for the
upcoming academic year.

Yours sincerely

Professor Richard Henry

-----
got that in the mail, and the second last para just amuses me. well, somehow.

legal tut stuff and whatnots, here i come, maybe after i get over my grief from killing a white tiger with a ferris wheel made out of bamboo. (and i didnt want to kill it at all, someone urged me to do it, that bitch, but maybe the tiger was becoming a nuisance so ppl gave me thumbs up after i crushed it, and tsuern became a googaa-ing demented kid in my pea-brained homeless family.

no wait, i wasn't homeless cos i had a apartment on the 15th floor. yay)

my brain moves too quickly over sequences so that what i say doesn't make sense at all.

2010-02-09T19:50:00.000+11:00

Hay Fever. 说:
omg
this is jkim
<_< http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmzlWLtJoxc
siwon 说:
???
whut
Hay Fever. 说:
the draggy krn guy
the one that you said that he was too painfu to watch
lol
siwon 说:
eww jkim eww
Hay Fever. 说:
ironic
siwon 说:
omgad goosebumps
nausea
pouke
Hay Fever. 说:
look at his krn name
=="
siwon 说:
lol kangmin
Hay Fever. 说:
now i know
which explains alot
lol
siwon 说:
i'm thinking are all kangmins crazy like this
Hay Fever. 说:
its a correct assumption to make
lol
siwon 说:
lolllll

2010-02-08T22:49:00.001+11:00

omg i got a bulge in my eyelid and no it's not my eye it's a bugbite or infection
it hurts when i blink

and my eyes are tired, dry and i'm still in makeup which i shouldn't have

and i'm still stupid about macro which i will be sitting for in two days omg i really shouldn't have a laptop before exams

and i'm flying to gold coast next week it's awesome yay
but i'm short on money boo :(

and i want eddy kiss kiss kiss

k going to shower and read tb

2010-02-05T13:32:00.000+11:00

你回去以后好寂寞
完全看不进书 such a stupid excuse

devoring bandwidth with online radio 24/7 and watching tv online. everything's online online online
why not just be full watching all those delicious pictures online

even more, why not just lose fat reading all those weight loss stories online

i was never meant for the good stuff, just the bad stuff. meh

2010-01-12T17:35:00.000+11:00

i don't know i don't know

move out to my own place and suffer the consequences,
or stay here with eddy and all the dirt?

sleep/play away all the hours to deadlines,
or buck up and go to the uni lib and study? (if i can)

cook dinner or eat out? (not like there's anything in the fridge)

hmm at least i can decide on the last one. eat out~

2009-12-01T03:50:00.001+11:00

減肥啦你這個死胖女人

2009-11-14T12:47:00.000+11:00

時間過得好快,又一個學期結束了,不知道期末考的好沒有,現在除了吃喝玩樂就沒有其他的事做了
(除非要想在這裡炎熱的夏天里跑出去打工賺錢減肥)

每次學期結束考完試就是這種空虛的感覺,有點討厭
何況現在生活費已經到底了迫不得已要給爸打個小報告去提醒他再送錢來
(感覺好不爽)

昨天睡了4小時然後逛了了7個小時的街, 然後吃喝玩牌整人到11點回家摔破一瓶whisky, 接著慌著找一間下午買的但是現在卻找不到的衣服,然後就睡著夢到以前的那些人在很怪的SSIS裏面不知道我們在做什麽 (但是周圍還是有一點恐怖片的感覺)

夢裡那些超胖的小學生坐在走廊裡的長凳子上看著我走過他們看起來很欠扁,只是因為他們那麼胖眼神那麼笨嗎?

夢裡老師送給我的who moved my cheese那本書是對我自己的暗示嗎?

i feel so pathetic, i'm a money-wasting stupid fuck

2009-10-30T22:43:00.000+11:00

i'm so slow in learning. especially commerce-related. which probably means that i won't be able to get in any money-related jobs. blegh wtv i'm getting more and more stupid here every day

13 more days to freedom, but with nearly zero moolah. sad fact. spent too much when i had it, now i'm mourning because i don't have it. ayyy

--
in case michelle forgets again, my flimsy version of my mother's potato-carrot recipe:

1) wash, peel and dice potatoes and carrots. probably one of each veg might do for one meal, idk, ask michelle about the quantities. (i never made it myself.)
2) boil the dices in water until half-soft, then drain and fry with bit of sesame oil, soy sauce (better if sweet, then don't need extra sugar), salt and sugar. add in dry anchovies if you have. (those little smelly silver fishies. never liked them very much. about a tad bit bigger than the teensy whitish ones.) fry until veggies (and anchovies) are soft to the core.
3) serve hot or cold (can keep in fridge up to a month i think. but this never lasted more than a week at my house.)

2009-10-27T15:04:00.001+11:00

three more days tilll.... accounting final. :(

2009-10-26T01:16:00.000+11:00

it's amazing how much more often you squabble with the other person after you start living together.
it makes the other person seem like a sister, brother, parent and friend, and the distinctiveness between us two unrelated individuals linked only by mutual but bound-to-be-finite attraction is gone unless he starts claiming rights and authority over me.

yeah i just sprayed this body mist in his pants because he let out this really stinky fart in the room. not to mention the weather today (thunders and lightning around noon, with pouring showers that makes the air all the more gloomier) and the long cotton pants that i washed and left out wet too long to make it stink. and we just scribbled nonsense over ourselves, something like this:

and it's annoying now because the colors rubbed off on the clothes and blankets. grr

been watching 康熙來了 with the live-in couch potato (or the live grenade who farts puke-inducing bouts of gas from time to time) for the past week. it's actually funny how 八卦 those taiwanese ppl are, and it's funny although i can't understand all of the gossip on the show. but the gossiping itself is very appealing.

i want to go out more often and walking around in the sun, but it's either too sunny and windy, or it's pouring and threatening to pour on and off like today.

and i'm suddenly very curious about what you guys think (might be the aftereffects of watching that no-good gossip show) and i just might reinstall the chatbox on the left or something in due time.

not forgetting that my first exam is on halloween, this saturday. grrrr

2009-10-21T21:45:00.000+11:00

the spark isn't there anymore. starting to think again why did i move in with this person.
my tantrums become his, and his is more menacing cos he is a guy.

and the way he laughs with other people but not with me pisses me off, but i really must be losing all that initial appeal or attraction (if there was any to begin with in the first place. apart from the indian guys.)

2009-10-21T12:54:00.001+11:00

guess i'm tired of not being able to do the things i used to do when i was more carefree.

2009-10-10T15:14:00.000+11:00

i love to complain.

and i hate ppl who make faces at the food i make them. even if they can't eat it due to allergies and etc, they shouldn't make faces at my food. especially when they cannot cook themselves.

he says he's not selfish, but then who isn't?

2009-10-08T14:12:00.001+11:00

haven't felt this high(and same goes for the desire to express myself through physical contact, lol) in weeks, and someone's reaction is to reprimand and criticise me for my restlessness.

so sad. he cannot understand.
which makes me wanna cry at night (although that feels separate from his inability to understand my highs)

i want to grow stuff again, but not humanoids. plants plants, i'd love to grow my own batch of poppies (and attempt at making opium. lolllll jkjk)
and pumpkins xD sunflowers, margeurites, chillis

perdisco due tmr and mgmt indiv essay due next thursday. shitttttt

"There are many different preparations of poppy tea. Most methods call for the "poppy straw" material (the seedpod and sometimes the stem) only to be used. Most methods call for the straw to be ground into a fine powder. A fine powder is needed because most of the opium latex is located within the cell walls of the pod. The seeds are discarded most of the time because they do not contain a high enough alkaloid content. However, there are dozens of poppy seed tea recipes. A quick and efficient method is to use a stovetop espresso maker. This results in a fairly concentrated beverage and does not appear to destroy the alkaloids despite involving steam passing through the poppy straw.

There is much debate on the best preparations of poppy tea. Many claim that boiling rapidly is the best, others insist on strictly cold water, and even more[who?] stand behind steeping in hot water. Some methods call for citric acid or acetic acid (vinegar) to be used during extraction. The purpose of the addition of citric and/or acetic acid is to lower the ph level of the neutral water (ph7) down to a slightly acidic ph of 6.5 which is optimal for morphine extraction.

The first is obvious, the second works in theory but to an extent that is very difficult to determine a priori. Production of 6-MAM from purified morphine is possible using the method discussed in the Wikipedia article for morphine for turning morphine into heroin (diacetylmorphine, the 3,6 acetyl diester of morphine) by means of the addition of acetic anhydride—substituting acetic acid for the anhydride will result in a mixture of the initial form of morphine (i.e. base or sulphate, hydrochloride &c.), 6-MAM, and morphine acetate. It is unclear what proportion of 6-MAM forms in the case of an aqueous solution of all the opium components. Another possible byproduct is acetylcodeine. Addition of nicotinic acid, otherwise known as Niacin and Vitamin B3, would give rise to 3-mononicotinylmorphine, related to morphine in a similar way, viz. 3,6 dinicotinylmorphine is a painkiller known as nicomorphine (Vilan) which is also three times stronger than morphine and gives rise to 6-MNM by means of hydrolysis. Adding aspirin to the mix theoretically does another thing of the same sort. (opiophile.com, opioids.com, poppies.org, and Wikipedia articles on drugs mentioned above including German versions) Acetylating with acetyl chloride will result in a higher 6-MAM yield and most clandestine production of heroin from powder morphine results in a mixture of morphine, 3-MAM, 6-MAM, and heroin; 6-MAM is also a breakdown product of heroin which is accelerated by the presence of water.

When the tea is drunk, its effects begin after about 30 minutes, lasting up to 8 hours. It is intensely bitter and some users add other flavorings to the tea. The color and bitterness of the tea will give the user an idea of how potent the pods are. The darker and more bitter the tea comes out to be the more potent it will be. It is wise for the user to be careful with the amount they consume if the tea comes out to be very bitter and very dark. Grapefruit juice may also inhibit liver enzyme activation, thus increasing the strength and duration of the opiate effects.

The tea is also sometimes evaporated over a very low heat to make a thick, concentrated liquid or a dry powder, and some users put this material into gel caps to allow for dosage to be measured more carefully."
wiki is so useful. NOT xD

2009-10-01T22:30:00.002+10:00

he flew to malaysia this afternoon for his chinese debating competition held from friday til sunday. is it? i don't know the specifics, being the ignorant selfish fool i've been since whenever. haha

assignments' deadliens in plain view (like next wk) and i'm not doing anything. my excuse being that i don't feel like doing them because i don't have enough motivation (ie eddy). lollll
and my laptop just went kaput because i think the motherboard burned out. err idk not sure. but am going to lug it to the IT services in uni tmr because fatty's laptop isn't exactly that usable (to me). lol

i shld go back to sleep. so slpy and so full. no wonder so fat now. boohoo.

2009-09-23T17:43:00.000+10:00

my clothes my clothes
flown away in the wind
so embarassing

messy room messier desk
even messier bed
(want more of those diy containers)

19 cap on three, it's a nokia e63
but two weeks and it's already 79 out of the bank
eeks no more mms and web browsing

71+kg omgomg so fat
midget fatso zomgzomg
tuna tofu cucumber rice apples laoganma toast cheese milk oj vinegar
less salt and sugar and chilli
(i want you to start cooking for me)

did i say that i moved in with eddy? i've become so much more lazier.

2009-08-24T00:48:00.000+10:00

conclusion from experience：

i get fatter because of the boyfriends.

dammit.

i can smell shanghai in this sydney air, it's weirdly refreshing and comforting.

201th

2009-08-15T13:36:00.002+10:00

then you come here and realise that you were just a small frog in the big sea called The World, and to billions and gazillions of others you are just nothing, nothing at all.
-
then you realise that the new strings of people you meet are more deceptive and shallower than those you knew back at home,
and you just can't help but wish that you never decided to leave that city in the first place.
but then you start thinking about the reasons why you decided to anyway, and you start rationalising with yourself that your decision to come overseas was a reasonable investment for your future, which you are sure would be bright and promising,
but you know that you're hopeless because of the lazy fat ass you are.
-
then you start thinking about the new friends you've made here, the people you've met, the new experiences you've had, and you know that if you had stayed in that city you wouldn't have experienced all these "icons of freedom" or what, reckless behaviour due to lack of parental 监视 over you.
but you also know that if you were scheming and crafty enough, you also would have gotten to do all these in the city you lived in, just that you wouldn't really like the smells of the people.
well actually, the smells of the people are just everywhere because they are everywhere.
-
one commented on my use of computers that i was rather quick in typing and passing on commands and such. i do not wholly believe that i am fast enough, because i've seen typists in courts who type faster than i do but with two or three fingers because of the small typewriters.
i may be faster than the average girls here, but i doubt whether i know enough about computers to even be 夸奖ed on stuff related to computers. not that i treat the keyboards lightly or anything.
-
i'm getting off topic.
letters back and forth across the country is fun, it's like a delayed and unconnected msn/skype chat that you might have to wait for weeks before it gets to you, slid under your door if the 房东 or whoever is weird in that way (because they can just leave it on the dining table). and then it's fun to write your replies in school, recording nearly everything that's happening around you and even more so when things are related to you.
-
as to why i keep getting sick and tired and bitchy, i want to blame it on my parents. lol but i cannot and i must not, because it is my own fault that i've went and got myself heatstroke in the middle of july in shanghai walking around in people's square just because i missed the heat and the crowds of the people and stinky breaths and such.
then i came back and kind of neglected myself as opposed to what the parents were advising me to do, so now i'm sick with inflamed gums on the left side of the jaw and slight arthritic kind of pain in the knees and backpain.
-
realised that my notion of the heartburn was wrong all along. what is it anyway.
-
i don't like literary topics. i might just comment one or two lines on a book i've been reading, but that's all i have to say. but then i might just put in words like 'perhaps', 'might', 'maybe', suggestive words that just describes how flouncy and misleading and blegh i want to be. if you get my gist.
-
i want to watch coraline but no one's going with me. and i feel stupid sitting in the cinema alone.

200th post.

2009-07-16T14:45:00.002+10:00

new semester, new start.
new plans, new goals,
semi-new phone,
new mindset,

yes i'm going to attempt for HDs this semester.

2009-05-23T15:25:00.002+10:00

i refuse to believe, and yet i'm taking everything as they are. even if there's no material proof.

feeding illogical ideas into my brain when i should be feeding it accounting principles and accounting formats.

2009-05-14T21:16:00.001+10:00

i'm fucking scared
of this indian shithead
he's waiting outside right down the couple of stairs
for me
and i don't want to see him
nor do anything with him.

i'm feverish again,

2009-05-13T23:46:00.002+10:00

手也气的在抖,

操你妈的死gay philipino

从头说吧

我承认我一开始真的不应该让我妈做那么多泡菜留在冰箱里的.

错了,本来就不应该让她做泡菜的.

包括那瓶满是蒜头的罐子. 不知道怎么处理.

反正是啦. 应该一开始就看出来这房东是俸钱的. 他讲了那么多次什么他不管你有没有钱能不能付更贵的房租因为他以为其他留学生会为他的这些房间而成天排队那样

其实我也以为他房子还蛮好的人也看起来还可靠的. 没想到会这样backstab.

就看他开的那个mercedes跟他在车里开的那无聊令人呕吐的小女孩唱的歌就应该看出来的.

吝啬的令人恶心的

okok back to the incident.

今天就下午回来在房间自作自乐(很纯粹的戴着耳机摇头的那种乐), 然后就8点多了才下去吃饭, 没想到那个gay还会在楼下等着要训我

刚坐下开始吃饭那个Gay就从楼下上来先简单打招呼我继续吃晚饭

因为我刚回来的时候闻到生姜味所以我吻了她晚饭有没有放生姜进去他说有还问我是不是不喜欢生姜我说我不喜欢但是能吃

然后他就说 you're the first abnormal student we've had, all the other students like to eat ginger, i just told maria(他那个胖老婆) that she should put ginger in all the dinners from tomorrow on, 还说什么这样就帮(我)减肥 gnn 先简单地把这几句废话当路上的蚂蚁听

接下去他就把今天银行给安琪送来的两封信交给我然后跟我说叫她快点把她新的地址告诉那些银行因为搬出去后她信封继续到这边来就很没礼貌我回答说我知道了然后继续吃饭

他就坐在我旁边不知道干嘛,看他手还是自恋什么的边看边做手动作还问我到现在对他家的homestay满不满意我说还可以 (鬼屁我当然很不满意)

然后他就开始说冰箱里的那泡菜为什么还没处理我就回答我没办法在短时间内处理那么多的泡菜他就反击说为什么没有早点告诉他这样长时间拖东西是不是韩国人习惯

操他妈我气了就跟他说no 然后他还继续说那你家里是不是这样教我 tmd又说了no

他还继续问那我是不是对我爸也这样的态度我说有时候

然后他就说 well don't treat me like your dad, you're the first student who has used our fridge for so long for your own personal purpose, you should have told me before if you couldn't find ways to (blah, 加他那恶心的手动作)

我就坐在那边吭着那恶心的鸡肉 trying to swallow it

可能是因为我表情露出我里面的anger吧那个gay就说如果你不喜欢就可以明天搬出去

我操

我本来就打算搬出去的也不用你tm跟我提出来

好像把他眼睛挖出来丢给外面那些挨饿的野猫吃掉幹

我什么都没说他就下楼去了我没胃口吃饭了就把饭倒掉他还在我背后用非礼宾话骂我

而我都没开始用韩文骂他幹

我气死了, 刚回房间就双手气的一直发抖

开始在网上发泄狂找学校附近的rent跟share

这时候最没用的就是星期天晚上搭仙的无聊印度人都明明说了为什么星期五不想见

还一直发短信说想见at least once more

头痛死了

做什么事都会有报应的是吧

好累好生气好想回家....

2009-05-03T11:16:00.000+10:00

aharharh waggagagagaga
red nails!!! x)

图片 034

2009-05-01T17:23:00.001+10:00

图片 034, originally uploaded by puhahaha9.

it's getting tiring.

be careful of the swine flu, stomach flu, etc etc all kinds of flu.

2009-04-06T10:04:00.001+10:00

damn you

stab stab stab

it just pains me to see you moving on so fast. like you've been waiting for me to say it. :(

2009-03-30T08:53:00.000+11:00

noo waitt
i think i flirt too much for my own good xD
but then, you're irresistable, and so is everyone else. :)

but still, you're the only number one for me.

~~unless you decide you don't want to.~~

2009-03-28T01:11:00.001+11:00

don't fucking blame me for chasing you away

2009-03-20T13:40:00.002+11:00

i'm oscillitating between extreme moodiness and extreme high on adrenaline.

where's my cloud nine? where are you?

course tests next week, tut presentations from wk5 onwards. so dead. and wk2's going alrdy. BOO :(

UPDATE LAH YOU PEOPLE.

go to either teenwrecko.spaces.live.com, OR newlifeinsydbyseamonster.tumblr.com. better if you leave a comment or create your own tumblr.

2009-02-27T00:53:00.000+11:00

phone: +61401096496

school's starting in like a week, yay. x)

2009-02-17T21:21:00.004+11:00

to ppl coming to syd:

my number's 0403515328.

and joanne(ting), my hotel and rent's right beside UNSW unilodge!!!!! just found it today, call or text me when you get hereeee

edit: that was probably the banshee's number. CORRECTION: 0401069496.

2009-02-04T02:28:00.001+11:00

happy chinese 牛 year,
hope you all gong xi fat choy (i like it how CNN or some other american tv channel spelt it out on the scrn years back) but avoid the fat on the chow.

that's my kind of humor. :]

leaving on the 15th, but might have to go back to korea before that.

2009-01-18T23:41:00.001+11:00

[imgs deleted]
poll for those who visit this blog still:

long hair or short hair?

2009-01-01T19:54:00.002+11:00

2009 has begun.
happy new year everyone, and hope you keep your resolutions.
(other than trying harder at balancing my 'studies' and playtime, and the forever-in-process dieting, i have none. er, probably refrain from overspending?)

still on the spaces blog.

2008-11-05T14:56:00.000+11:00

temporary reversion to msn spaces.

http://teenwrecko.spaces.live.com/

2008-11-05T12:37:00.000+11:00

my mum still sings offtune. gahhhhh

hahahaha

and she likes big guys like me too
lol

must fatten you up =v= hahaha don't blame me :/

obama's winning? looks like it.

phone parade.

2008-11-05T03:13:00.001+11:00

samsung x568

i miss this simple stuff. it's less than 800 in bj now, remember i paid 1300 for it. before yunnan...T_T and lost it after two months on the taxi.

damn traffic.

lenovo s90

less than 1200 in sh,
i like the big screen

motorola a810

less than 1500 in sh,
i like it in both colors. touchscreen too :]

samsung f258

less than 1200 in sh,
and i still hate samsung's screens. the way the screen looks like it's more than what's visible. feels like being cheated somehow.

yeah i have poor taste. :/

2008-11-04T20:34:00.000+11:00

i know my breath smells like garlic right now because i had two small pickled ones with the microwaved noodles just now.

can't help it, i like the vinegar in them. :]

weird that someone said vinegar melts away your cells or something. it's so tasty.

2008-11-03T17:57:00.001+11:00

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You give and take equally in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

2008-11-02T19:51:00.000+11:00

zomg so cute

i want her x)
but i know i can't. bleghhh

she's only 4months old,

reminds me of that white cat in front of the bakery last week. so obedient, but she's gone already. that creepy looking guard must have tricked her and ate her up.

마음에 두면 좋은 11가지 메세지

2008-11-02T17:59:00.001+11:00

첫번째 메시지
누군가를 사랑하지만 그 사람에게 사랑받지 못하는
일은 가슴 아픈 일입니다. 하지만 더욱 가슴 아픈
일은 누군가를 사랑하지만 그 사람에게 당신이 그
사람을 어떻게 느끼는지 차마 알리지 못하는 일입니다.

두번째 메시지
우리가 무엇을 잃기 전까지는 그 잃어버린 것의
소중함을 모르는 것이 사실입니다. 하지만 우리가
무엇을 얻기 전까지는 우리에게 무엇이 부족한지를
깨닫지 못하고 있는 것 또한 사실입니다.

세번째 메시지
인생에서 슬픈 일은 누군가를 만나고 그 사람이
당신에게 소중한 의미로 다가왔지만 결국 인연이
아님을 깨닫고 그 사람을 보내야 하는 일입니다.

네번째 메시지
누군가에게 첫눈에 반하기까지는 1분밖에
안걸리고 누군가에게 호감을 가지게 되기까지는
1시간밖에 안걸리며 누군가를 사랑하게 되기까지는
하루밖에 안걸리지만 누군가를 잊는데는 평생이 걸립니다.

다섯번째 메시지
가장 행복한 사람들은 모든 면에서 가장 좋은 것만
가지고 있는 것은 아닙니다. 그들은 단지 대부분의
것들을 저절로 다가오게 만듭니다.

여섯번째 메시지
꿈꾸고 싶은 것은 마음대로 꿈을 꾸세요. 가고 싶은
곳은 어디든 가세요. 되고 싶은 것은 되도록 노력하세요.
왜냐하면, 당신이 하고 싶은 일을 모두 할 수 있는
인생은 오직 한 번이고 기회도 오직 한 번이니까요.

일곱번째 메시지
진정한 친구란 그 사람과 같이 그네에 앉아 한마디
말도 안하고 시간을 보낸 후 헤어졌을 때, 마치 당신의
인생에서 최고의 대화를 나눈 것 같은 느낌을 주는 사람입니다.

여덟번째 메시지
외모만을 따지지 마세요. 그것은 당신을 현혹시킬
수 있습니다. 재산에 연연하지 마세요. 그것들은
사라지기 마련입니다. 당신에게 미소를 짓게 할 수
있는 사람을 선택하세요. 미소만이 우울한 날을 밝은
날처럼 만들 수 있습니다.

아홉번째 메시지
부주의한 말은 싸움을 일으킬 수 있습니다. 잔인한
말은 인생을 파멸시킬 수도 있습니다. 시기적절한
말은 스트레스를 없앨 수 있습니다. 사랑스런 말은
마음의 상처를 치료하고 축복을 가져다 줍니다.

열번째 메시지
항상 자신을 다른 사람의 입장에 두세요. 만약,
당신의 마음이 상처 받았다면 아마, 다른 사람도
상처 받았을 겁니다.

마지막 메시지
사랑은 미소로 시작하고 키스로 커가며 눈물로
끝을 맺습니다. 당신이 태어났을 때 당신 혼자만이
울고 있었고 당신 주위의 모든 사람들은 미소 짓고
있었습니다. 당신이 이 세상을 떠날 때는 당신 혼자만이
미소 짓고 당신 주위의 모든 사람들은 울도록 그런
인생을 사십시요.

이별로 이어질수 있는 실수들

2008-11-02T17:57:00.000+11:00

1.첫번째 실수
버림받을 것이 두려워 중대한 사실을 숨기는 것. 진정한 사랑은 신뢰를 바탕으로 해야 한다.

2.두 번째 실수
사랑하는 사람보다 내 자유가 더 중요하다고 생각하는 것. 이기적인 태도는 가정을 파탄으로 만든다.

3.세 번째 실수
아무 것도 아닌 일에 과민 반응하는 것. 지나치게 예민해 별 것 아닌 일로 상대방에게 상처를 주는 일을 조심해야 한다.

4.네 번째 실수
내 방식만을 고집하는 것. 어리석은 지배욕과 책임 전가 의식은 누구의 인정도 받기 어렵다.

5.다섯 번째 실수
모든 시간과 에너지를 엉뚱한 곳에 쏟아붓는 것. 일의 우선 순위를 제대로 정해야 서로 혼란에 빠지지 않는다.

6.여섯 번째 실수
순간의 쾌락을 좇으며 원초적 욕망만 채우는 것. 이런 미성숙함은 상대에게 실망을 안겨 준다.

7.일곱 번째 실수
도무지 사과할 줄 모르는 것. 실수를 인정하거나 책임지지 않는 태도는 관계를 악화시킨다.

8.여덟 번째 실수
부적절한 관계로 사랑하는 사람에게 상처를 주는 것.

9.아홉 번째 실수
미심쩍고 내키지 않는 관계를 끊지 못하는 것. 우유부단함은 결국 더 큰 상처만 남긴다.

10.열 번째 실수
터무니없는 이유로 사랑하는 사람과 헤어지는 것이다.

http://k.daum.net/qna/view.html?qid=3fSDf&q=%BF%AC%BE%D6+%BD%C7%BC%F6&nil_no=11976

2008-11-01T23:14:00.000+11:00

so cute. candy corn :)

happy belated halloween.

Swarovski Crystal Pencils, $16.75 for five.

2008-11-01T19:37:00.001+11:00

these look pretty, but also pretty useless.

i have enough pencils to start teaching toddlers how to draw. and maybe poke each others' eyes out. eheheheheh

so tired

2008-11-01T01:07:00.000+11:00

why do people look at you when you're

fat
with short hair
dressed up like a guy
or dressed not according to your age
or have this better looking person next to you

or wait

when you speak korean as you walk on the street.

idiotic chinese.

2008-10-31T01:20:00.001+11:00

There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness.
- Franz Kafka
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
- Groucho Marx
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
- Oscar Wilde

2008-10-31T00:43:00.000+11:00

This undated handout photo provided by NASA, taken earlier this month by the Messenger space probe, shows a portion of Mercury. Earth's first nearly full look at Mercury reveals that the tiny lifeless planet took a far greater role in in shaping itself than scientists had thought with volcanoes spewing "mysterious dark blue material." New images from NASA's Messenger space probe should help settle a decades-old debate about what caused parts of Mercury to be somewhat smoother than it should be. NASA released photos Wednesday Oct. 29, 2008 from Messenger's fly-by earlier this month, that gave the answer: Lots of volcanic activity, far more than signs from an earlier probe. (AP Photo/NASA)

pfft.

2008-10-30T23:36:00.000+11:00

from one of the emails:

Japanese Men Sit and Pee to Please Wives
The Mainichi reports that 40% of men in Japan sit down to pee instead of relieving themselves urinal-style. Apparently, the trend is more prevalent among younger men, which is kinda surprising. But even more surprising to me is the fact that the surveyors (toiletmakers at Matsushita Electric) attribute this trend to women telling their partners to do so. Why? Because if you've ever lived with a guy, you know that male pee splatter is a pain in the ass to clean. Sometimes it ends up on the floors and walls. Disgusting.

Three years ago, Matsushita Electric noticed this trend and actually started designing toilets with larger holes.

lollll
i don't careeee
this just seemed interesting

on the other hand, 1200 pay from the tuition classes and i have 550 left by the third day[which is today.] i'm such a spendthrift, can't help it. if you have money to spend, call me and i'll spend it for you. meheheheheh. at least i don't try to use this leeching tactic often.

lol love youuuu

2008-10-30T00:25:00.000+11:00

http://www.kennysia.com/archives/2008/10/datukship_for_j.php

hehehehehe

datuk jessica alba eh? think i'll go find that movie first.... Sleeping Dictionary. =v=

2008-10-28T14:36:00.000+11:00

sooo cute

Picture made available on 27 October 2008 shows a rare white hedgehog curls up on a leather glove, during its presentation at a hedgehog breeding home in Heinsberg, Germany, 06 October 2008. The rare colour occurence is caused by depigmentation on the animals's thorns and fur. EPA/HORST OSSINGER

http://news.naver.com/photo/hread.php?hotissue_id=53&hotissue_item_id=38616&office_id=091&article_id=0002195923&view=all&page=1

2008-10-28T14:27:00.001+11:00

The following steps may help relieve the symptoms of Stomach Flu (Viral Gastroenteritis).

* Allow your gastrointestinal tract to settle by not eating for a few hours.
* Sip small amounts of clear liquids or suck on ice chips if vomiting is still a problem.
* Give infants and children oral rehydration solutions to replace fluids and lost electrolytes.
* Gradually reintroduce food, starting with bland, easy-to-digest food, like toast, broth, apples, bananas, and rice.
* Avoid dairy products, caffeine, and alcohol until recovery is complete.
* Get plenty of rest.

http://heartspring.net/stomach_flu_symptoms.html

2008-10-27T17:16:00.000+11:00

呵呵呵呵终于下载完了
忙了一点去找空cd烤整个专辑

yeah basically that was what i was doing this morning and yesterday, downloading
burning the cd this morning

checking updates on the korean fansite

i like this album :D pity i can't get the real one. cheapskate harharhar

that cd's playing on and on... nth round already, still not 腻 yet hahaha

搜狗真的很好用也 but the skins' sooo cheesyyyy
好了回到看漫画了

2008-10-27T14:00:00.000+11:00

http://theeveningclass.blogspot.com/2006/12/2007-berlin-beyondder-fischer-und.html

The Fisherman And His Wife, Der Fischer Und Seine Frau, 2005

german movie, shot in japan. the plot's cute, and the korean subtitles on tv kinda mussed it up ;/ but yeah, it's funny how the women in the story can't be satisfied with what they have.

and otto's mother's so funny xDDD

weird thing for tags. :]

and the weather's fantastic again [wind with a lot of sun] but i feel no urges to open that door and walk out. probably because i need the toilet again. == damn food poisoning.

2008-10-24T18:37:00.000+11:00

after two nights of rain,

it's finally cold

YAYYYY xD

2008-10-23T19:13:00.001+11:00

What a blessing it would be if we could open and shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!
- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

yess

2008-10-21T13:16:00.000+11:00

weiiiiiiiiiiiiird dream. damn weird.

it's one of those weird dreams again to which i don't know how they even got inside my head in the first place.

was on another one of those frustrating family trips with the family.(duh.) and we were packing up to go home(finally). then i got into a fight with my sisters in the elevator, and eric was standing beside me. he just stood between me and my sisters and shooed them away from the elevator and held my hand and gave me a large chewing gum. then he held my hand and we kissed.

i remember i was feeling quite happy because he shooed those two away.

and, the weird thing is, i actually ignored him on msn before i logged off to sleep. hiak hiak.
[it's only a freaking dream. this does not mean that i have any feelings towards eric, if that's what you're thinking(someone). no no no no no. we are still good :)]

then after that, i found a coworker hiding with a small pot of flowers and a hamster in the bathroom. i mean those family bathrooms. i borrowed both the flower pot and the hamster to play with, and then i noticed that there was a grasshopper-like pair of legs and lower body inside one of the flowers. i made the coworker pull it out, but it flew around quite crappily and its head was shaped like a dove's, although inn weird colors. like it went for tie-dying in different colors or something. eww stuff. so i tried to catch it(the coworker ran away in fright) with a basket and managed to suffocate it underwater. ewwwww

then the assholes refurnishing in the building next door turned on their drills and sleep ran away with time.

arh.
Labels: dream, eric

2008-10-17T22:47:00.001+11:00

siwon님의 말:
this morning i dreamed that this guy picked a fight on me because he wanted to play pranks inside the girls' toilet and i was blocking his way.
idiot blondie.

forgot about that

자우림 - 우리에게 내일은 없다

2008-10-17T21:59:00.000+11:00

폭풍우 치는 추운 밤을 우린 걸었지.
가난한 가슴의 서로에게 몸을 기댄 채.
별 하나 없는 새까만 밤에 태어난 우린
사랑 받지 못하는 이 운명을 당연히 생각했으니까.

우리는 어디로 가는 걸까, 대답은 알 수 없어도.
태양은 다시 떠오르겠지, 내일 우린 여기 없을 테니까.

태어난 채로 버려진 우린 욕망의 배설물.
잃을 것 없는 텅 빈 가슴이 부는 바람에 아려오네.

우리는 어디로 가는 걸까, 대답은 알 수 없어도.
태양은 다시 떠오르겠지, 내일 우린 여기 없을 테니까.

폭풍우 치는 추운 밤을 우린 걸었지.
가난한 가슴의 서로에게 몸을 기댄 채.
별 하나 없는 새까만 밤에 태어나 우린
다시는 오지않을 태양의 그림자 속을 서성이네.
우리의 내일은 없을테니까.

my shower song :] now don't 想歪 --

some crude stuff,

2008-10-17T21:54:00.000+11:00

stole this off xn.:

Hey Mike
what?
Pussy.
er?
Pussy.
and?
Pussy.
...
Pussy.
i dont get it
AND YOU NEVER WILL.
bastard

classic.

Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
wait, shit