i didnt grow up

my boobs got bigger and so did my butt and thighs

my ego expands and deflates every other minute

my procrastination now knows no bounds

i can safely and professionally lie in the face of anyone

i feel guiltier about my responsibilities and duties

but i cannot control myself to act more grown up.

every other chinese word out of my mouth is ca/cao

when i see some older male acquaintances from three years ago i act like a primary school boy facing a naughty girl crush (ie. i punch them. oh wait, maybe not a girl crush)

when assignments and revision turn boring (every frking single time) i turn to anime to sooth my failing self confidence

i dont eat properly like i should, that's why i have pcos and can't lose the weight easily. hair became brittle and dry, and hairline's receding faster than during IB. 

feeling more insecure than during IB. 

credit cards and periodical payments for various purposes annoy the shit out of me, so i try to hold out on vast sums of money until i get final notices (ie. tuition fees, rents) 

when i turn angsty and withdraw even more, every other line of this post would have fck fuck frk shit bitch in it

i sleep when the public transport drivers start their first shifts of the day and wake up when all the white collar people load themselves on the slowpoke traffic back home. 

i tend to pick lectures and tutorial times around dinner time to accommodate my sleeping habit.

i am still prejudiced towards filipinos. doesn't help that i have two filipino aunties in their rooms right beside mine. 

i don't want to go out because i always feel like i don't have the appropriate clothes to wear out. which is probably because i'm fat and spend more money on food instead of clothes.

i don't learn from history do i.